i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
