I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
