Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
