My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
