Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Banned from zoo.
Again?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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