Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
this boner is exhausting
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
