Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
