I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
