so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
