I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
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Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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