I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
