He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
