it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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