You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize