Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
