Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
