he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
