Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize