and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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