I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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