and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
