Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We have started to decorate penises.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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