There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I want a musical about memes.
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