Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
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I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
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He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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