if i died would you start the facebook group?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
