I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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