Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
