Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
