you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
