I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
