I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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