Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
