Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
