How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
nutella sex= disaster
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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