He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
