I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
