Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
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I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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