what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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