it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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