If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
