oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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