He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
