hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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