uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she looked like the before picture.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
