3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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