yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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