I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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