I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize