So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
