Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
