Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
