I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Oh god it's open bar.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
