He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
