What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
