you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
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I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
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The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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