So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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