no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
