I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
