Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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