Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
