I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
