Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
