I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
