I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
