sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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