He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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