I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
