Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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