Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
