Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
