why didn't you poke me back
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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