Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
