Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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