What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Randomize
