Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize